Post by Anna. I knew this would be a tough discipline, and by that, I pictured myself sitting for hours with no words on a page and the painstaking difficulty of just putting anything down, even if it’s saying nothing and feeling like it amounts to nothing. I thought it would be a good exercise. I didn’t expect it to pull from my soul all of the dark and ugly things that have been shoved aside to deal with ‘later’. Turns out, they’re still there. Doubts, fears, unbelief.
The first two days I felt nearly ecstatic and giddy. The two after that, I was the most unhappy I remember ever having been. Not sad, or angry, just utterly unhappy. Instead of sitting for hours trying to put words on a page, I was crying over a simple chord progression that seemed to be extracting something from my soul. Things that I don’t want to come out, ever.
It’s good. It’s tough, and ugly, and good. And I’m not going to share any of those songs with you, but here’s one from later in the week.